3 Simple Practices to Disrupt the Status Quo and Achieve Your Goals
Image credit Alex Radelich, Unsplash
If you’re feeling anxious about the current situation and this weeks events, you’re not alone.
I am reminded this week of one of the most important aspects of success.
It’s got nothing to do with getting a better job, making more money, finding love, wealth or fame.
It’s called Congruence.
Simply put, congruence is when our thoughts, feelings and actions - and the results we’re seeing in life - are consistent with what we say we want - that is, our vision, values, purpose, mission and goals.
We all have a desire to live a happy, healthy and meaningful life.
But, our actions are not always consistent.
Emotional eating, skipping exercise due to low motivation, using alcohol to relax, spending money on unnecessary luxuries, arguing with kids, siblings or partner...
It’s not personal.
Take this week's events as a case in point.
Here we are slowly coming out of isolation and we have a crisis on our hands.
What happened to George Floyd is, without question, unconscionable.
But rather than get into a political or social debate, let’s talk about what’s really going on - which in my humble opinion is the opportunity to review our actions and determine whether they are consistent with what we say we want.
One caveat,
We may never find ourselves in a situation like that of the police, who are not only under intense scrutiny for their behaviour, but also under intense stress as the pressure of the economy and the financial situation plays havoc on the way people are living their life (at least in our lifetime).
As I say to my kids, there are NO excuses for bullying or brutality.
Bullying and brutality can show up in many different ways.
Whether it's physical, political, social or emotional,
We’ve all got a story.
When we experience any form of anger or rage, it’s a clear signal something’s out of whack.
Much like stress, rage is not a bad thing. It’s what we do with it that makes it so unconscionable. Rage, anger, stress - it’s all the result of some sort of demand in life, and we experience it when the demands are high.
Now, while there are plenty of ways to manage stress, notice how knowing that makes no difference?
The secret here,
We must find a way to stop reacting - where our brain operates in fight, flight or freeze; and be mindful of our actions - so we can use it - stress or any emotion for that matter - as a powerful motivator instead of a damaging hindrance.
No-one is perfect.
In fact, we all have had moments when we’ve done and said things we regret.
Despite knowing what’s right and wrong, good and bad, we all have our moments.
Now for the good news...
Given the impact of COVID, leaving many of you in the unfortunate situation of not having the funds to invest in a coach - for yourself, or your team - I’ve decided to take an action consistent with my own values and reveal my life’s work to be of service…
In 20 years of developing leaders - that is, someone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in themselves, (others and ideas) and has the courage to develop that potential - I discovered three simple practices to achieve Congruence.
I call it the A-Game: Acknowledgement, Accountability and Action.
These practices are guaranteed to disarm any situation (which I commonly refer to as disrupting the status quo) to achieve congruence - enabling you to take action in direct accordance with what you say you want (your vision, values, purpose and goals) - no matter what’s going on in life.
While they are simple, they are practices for a reason.
Practices take practice.
So let’s give it a go,
First, think of an area in your business, leadership or life that’s not working, or not working as well as you’d like it to - it could be your health, job or a relationship.
It can help to write it down, although it’s not essential.
Write down the area you picked, and make a note about what’s not working and how it makes you feel.
Before you get into the practices, I know this will be a challenge, because you’ll want to jump straight to the solution, turn the timer on your phone and set it for 2min.
Close your eyes and think about the issue you picked: “Where were you, what were you doing, who were you with, what was going on and how does it make you feel?”
Think about it for 2min while breathing slowly and deeply.
Once the 2min is up, come back and go through the following three practices..
1. The first practice is Acknowledgement.
Acknowledgement is an act of recognising the existence or truth of something. In which case, ask yourself, “What’s not working here, what’s really going on, what am I really upset or annoyed about and how does it make me feel?”
Identify the emotion by “labelling” it - labelling the emotion helps disrupt the process of reacting. You can do it alone, or with the person involved. The key here is to label it without reacting.
Remember, our brain is wired for avoiding pain and seeking pleasure, so don’t expect it to be easy. We’ve had over 20, 30, 40 or 50 years of practice in avoidance, so grant yourself a little compassion.
2. The second practice is Accountability.
While we have no control over what anyone else says or does, we do have control over how we respond. This is not to say we are to blame, or that it’s our fault; nor is it the other person's fault.
There are definitely times when someone needs to step up and take responsibility, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.
There is no blame in accountability. This is simply asking, “What can I do here that would move me, others and this situation forward in a way that is consistent with what I say I want, instead of waiting for the roll of the dice and seeing what other people will do?”
It’s not easy. But, With practice it works; and it does enable you and the person to succeed and move forward amicably. At the end of the day, we’re all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us at the time.
3. The final practice is Action
I know, it sounds simple, and it is…
But at the same time, it’s Not because we spend days, months and sometimes years agonising over issues - not doing what we know to do. This final practice is an act of courage, of taking the action we know to take despite how we feel or what we might think.
This is about asking ourselves, “What is the one thing I can do that I know will move me, others and this situation forward?”
Again, It’s not easy.
But, again With practice it works. When we take action, despite how we feel, we realise we’re much stronger than we’ve been giving ourselves credit.
As Gandhi said, we must “BE the change we wish to see in the world”
The only access to performance, success, growth and innovation is to take action.
No action, no result.
It may not seem easy, and it is not.
There is no pressure to perform.
Whether we choose to take action or not, we have a say; just know the choice we make has consequences either way.
It seems ironic given this week's events, if you’re interested in what it looks like to take action in the face of adversity, listen to my interview on The Uncharted Leader this week with one of Australia’s leading indigenous athletes, 3x World Champion in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Shantelle Thompson on ‘Smashing Stereotypes and Changing the Narrative’
As always, if any of what I’ve shared here resonates and you’d like me to work with you or your team on discovering the power of your purpose and producing results consistent with what you say you want in business, leadership or life, let’s talk - book a no- obligation call with me here.
In the meantime,
Be well,
Kylee x
The Body is the Foundation for a Healthy Mind
Why is it important to remove sugar from our diet?
Well there are many scientific reasons, and many benefits, so it really does depend on what's important to you; BUT what I can tell you with absolute certainty is that whatever reason you choose to take on the challenge - to quit sugar - you can be guaranteed of having more energy, vitality and happiness than ever before.
Diagnosed with an auto-immune condition in 2015 was a massive wake-up call.
Despite a life-time of taking pride in my health and fitness - having done a couple of half-marathons, countless triathlons and working as a coach and personal trainer - I had become complacent (and ignorant) about what I was putting into my body.
My story...
It started on July 23, 2015. I had a huge couple of months - a week in the US for training, a couple of weeks flying solo with kids on school holidays (because someone - me - forgot to book them into school care) and 5 days facilitating a program in Perth for over 60 people.
It was a big load. I didn’t think much about it at the time (that was a lesson in itself), but it eventually took its toll. I wasn’t getting enough exercise, I wasn’t paying attention to what I was eating, I certainly wasn’t drinking enough water, nor was I getting enough “down-time” - and I was ending the day with a glass of wine or two (ok, sometimes a bottle) - no big deal when it comes to unwinding from a huge day at work right!?!? #wrong
I got a call on the Monday afternoon, my husband panicking that kids hadn’t been picked up from school. Initially I thought “well, there’s not much I can do about it, and he’s ok to handle it”. The following afternoon, on the flight home, kicking back with a glass of wine and downloading (a Nicholas Spark film) ‘The Long-Ride Home” I fell to pieces...
“I can’t do this anymore, I need to simplify my life..”
I spent the entire flight crying, got home, saw my kids and spent the following four days in bed - battling exhaustion, burnout, anxiety and depression.
It took everything I had to pick up the phone to call my coach, but thank god I did, because that conversation was all I needed to get myself out of bed, quit worrying about work and just put one foot in front of another.. and that’s all I did for the next 4 days...
Day 1, walk out the front door. Day 2, walk around the block. Day 3, walk a bit further. By Day 4 I had the strength to get myself to the doctor. Having suffered post-natal depression in 2009 (after my second child), he says “you’re already on the register for depression, so we need to recommend you take medication”. While desperately needing answers, I said “I’ll do it as long as we explore other options - there’s got to be another way”
It took three months of blood-tests and visits to specialists before I was diagnosed with an auto-immune condition, ‘Hashimoto’s” - my immune system cells were attacking the thyroid gland, and the resulting inflammation and destruction of thyroid tissue was reducing the thyroid's ability to make hormones resulting in tiredness, depression, weight gain, poor memory, aching muscles plus...
I stopped work to focus on my health - acupuncture, kinesiology, chiropractic treatments, going to the gym, removing sugar and alcohol from of my diet. It took three years to make lasting changes in my habits; none more so powerful than when I discovered the benefits of removing sugar out of my diet.
Why is Quitting Sugar Good 4 Us?
Get your Auto-Immune into remission without drugs (if you’re lucky enough - but this is all dependent on your Drs Advice - it worked for me, but we I get we are all different)
Weight loss. ... (I lost 43cm and 13kg in the first 3 months)
An amazing amount of clarity in creative thinking and solving complex problems
Increased energy, vitality, strength and endurance
Rewire the brain with a more positive outlook on life and being able to see opportunity in the challenges around you - in yourself, others and the world
You will become better looking - clear eyes, skin and healthy glow inside-out
A deep sense of confidence, courage, compassion and connection with the people in your life
Increased resourcefulness, ability to plan for and anticipate future challenges
It’s not easy, but it is simple.
Whether its simple sugars, refined sugars, additives or the sugar we consume in alcohol - it doesn’t happen overnight. We are creatures of habit, and while habits take much longer than 21 days to change (so I discovered), getting started is hard and staying on track can be harder…
Left: Sept 2017 at 71kg with an auto-immune condition and unable to lose weight. Right: March 2018 at 60 kg after removing sugar and alcohol from my diet.
Here are five of my favourite lessons:
Starting is hard, but staying on track is harder. Being consistent is the key and making sure you have daily practices to remind yourself to stay on track helps.
Focus on making one small change at a time. Best not to start a new job, or a new exercise regime at the same time as taking out sugar. If you take out sugar, just start with one meal at a time, and perhaps just cut refined sugars before gradually taking out alcohol and grains.
Surround yourself with people who are committed to being a winner in playing the game - we are much more likely to succeed when we surround ourselves with a tribe! This doesn’t mean the people need to be quitting sugar with you, but they sure do need to support you in achieving your goals!
Be Kind to Yourself. It takes time to make a change. Don’t ever beat up on yourself if you slip up or you don’t stick to the plan all the time. We are human.
Find an altenative reward system. If drinking alcohol or eating high-sugar foods is a way to reward yourself, find a new reward, e.g massage, a relaxing bath, a walk, catching up with a friend for a healthy lunch or herbal tea - and definitely take milk out, no more lattes with milk, try swapping for almond milk or go black.
That’s it for now!!
Remember, we can’t change what’s happening in the world around us - but if there is one thing we have 100% control over, its what we put in our body and given our body is the foundation of a healthy mind, its a great place to start.
The good news.
You don’t have to do this alone.
I’ve done all the work to work out a simple process to help you disrupt old ways of thinking and ignite your passion so you can achieve your gals.
Check out our 28-Day Wellbeing Challenge and surround yourself with the motivation and support you need to kick a habit - quit sugar and alcohol, reduce spending money on unnecessary things, stop skipping exercise due to poor motivation and start getting a decent night sleep - sign up for our newsletter and be the first to find out when the next challenge starts - July 6, 2020.
In the meantime, what’s the one action you’re taking today, to take better care of your health?
If you can’t wait and you want more information on healthy hacks for increased energy and vitality, send me an email or connect with me on Linked In.
Until then, be well.
Kylee x
When does Understanding our Values, Strengths & Purpose become Important?
What are your talents?
What do you value and what are your core strengths?
You’d like to think these were pretty standard questions when it comes to clarifying what makes us happy, satisfied and engaged; but unfortunately not and unfortunately its not until we get to the “engage” stage of the journey within an organisation that we’re delving into “Building Strengths and Purpose”
I appreciate this is not the case for everyone.
HOWEVER in my 20 years of leadership, I am yet to meet a single person, including those in senior and executive levels who are absolutely clear and confident about their own personal values, strengths, talents and purpose.
It seems a lot of work is done on personality profiles and leadership assessments, or indeed thanks to the work of Gallup, we’re seeing more people doing their strengths profiles - BUT - despite having done the assessments, when asked about their strengths, there is a disconnect in having done the work and being clear about it.
You may, at this point, be wondering, “what’s the point?”
Well, the simple answer: if we want to be happy in our job and life, and we want a job that aligns with what we care about, what’s important to us and one that aligns with our values, then valuing this work is the point.
"How are we ever going to put the right people, into the right roles at the right time, in the right place" if we're not clear about who we are - what are our core values, unique strengths and talents and what environment works best for us?”
Unfortunately, far too many of us make our decision to work a particular company based on the perceived value of the brand, money or status; only to discover 6mths, a year or two later it's not a great fit and we end up just another one of the statistics - 85% of people not engaged or actively disengaged at work.
If we’re ever going to reduce that number, and stop being a statistic, we must disrupt the entire ecosystem - in the meantime, change starts with each and everyone one of us doing the work.
Not sure where to start?
My number one piece of advice is to start simple and start small.
Thanks to a partnership with leading organisational psychologist and expert in the neuroscience of resilience - the access to enhancing satisfaction and wellbeing - we’re making the journey simply by suggesting you start with a small investment in the #1 resilience app Driven Resilience - an AI powered virtual coach that comes with a personalised assessment and report, video tutorials and activities to help you identify your goals and advance towards them despite adversity.
Simply download the app and when you complete the assessment enter the code TPC-COVD - you’ll get 50% off the first two months (paying as little as $6 per month) and 10% off every month thereafter (less than $10 per month) - giving you immediate access to your personalised report, the video tutorials and activities.
Get your personalised report to identify the key areas of resilience to advance despite adversity
The best part - you get 100% clear about the specific areas and activities that would be best and most relevant to you - from any one of the six scientifically proven areas designed to improve resilience, wellbeing and satisfaction all while advancing towards our goals with clarity despite adversity…
6 domains of resilience
Vision and Purpose
Composure & Stress Management
Reasoning & Decision Making
Health (Nutrition, Movement and Sleep)
Tenacity & Self-Motivation
Collaboration & Meaningful Connections.
If you need any help - don’t hesitate to reach out - book a no obligation chat with our Founder Kylee Stone here or send us a message online here.
We may not have any control over what’s happening in the world around us, and while it’s uncertain how much longer this will continue, we must do what we can to take control of those things we can control - and starting with our own sense of satisfaction and wellbeing is a great place to start.
Yours in good health,
Team Performance x
Finding Strength: The Basics and Benefits of Deep Mindful Breathing
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar
Did you know that deep mindful breathing is one of the easiest, most convenient and natural tools we have to combat issues like stress and anxiety, reduce pain, aide in digestion and weight loss and have a positive impact on our thoughts and mood?
Deep mindful breathing has become my favourite practice for disrupting what’s not working and advancing towards my goals no matter what I’m dealing with in life - and let’s just say, having three kids in itself is a lot. Not only is it my favourite practice, but my favourite saying to activate the benefits in flight of any disruption is “and breathe…”
Breathing is something we do every day, without any thought. It’s an automatic process that helps us function as a human being. But when was the last time you stopped and took a slow, deep breath? Probably not as frequent as you think. So, why would we bother?
The benefits:
1) Decrease Stress and Increase Calm. When we become stressed or anxious, our brain releases cortisol, the “stress hormone.” By taking slow and deep breaths, our heart rate slows, more oxygen enters the blood stream and ultimately communicates with the brain to relax. It also ups our endorphins, the “feel good” chemical.
2) Increase Energy and Improve Immunity. When our blood is fully oxygenated, it carries and absorbs nutrients and vitamins more efficiently. Essentially, the cleaner the blood, the harder it is for illnesses to stay in our system. The more oxygen we have in the blood, the better our body functions, improving our overall stamina and energy.
4) Positively Impact Thoughts and Mood. Research has found that mindful breathing both reduces anxiety and increases positive automatic thoughts, both of which have the power to impact our mood. Since mindful breathing provides us with an anchor into our direct experience, the mind slows as we harness our focus. As the mind slows, we gain greater perspective over the habitual thoughts that move through us subconsciously.
4) Better Sleep, Increase Strength and Weight Loss. What holds many of us back from a good night sleep is a racing mind. Mindful breathing provides a distraction for our thoughts so we can finally fall asleep more effortlessly. The body produce the most growth hormone while we’re sleeping, which burns fat, builds and repairs muscles so we can increase strength and lose weight.
The Basics:
There are numerous different breathing exercises we can explore. Given the amount of complexity in our lives already, my advice is to keep it as simple as possible. Start small and advance as you go. Deep mindful breathing requires nothing other than paying attention to the breath – exactly as it is.
Find a comfortable seated or lying down position. Ensure the body is as relaxed as possible and ground yourself by closing your eyes. Bring your attention to the room or space around you and notice how you feel. What do you notice? What emotions are present? What does the air feel like against your skin?
Draw your attention to the breath. Without trying to change or control it. Simply practice observing it exactly as it is. You might notice its pace and depth shift, allow this. Simply hold your focus on each in breath and out breath. Also, observing the brief pause in between each inward and outward movement.
Finally, bring your attention to slowing down the pace of your breath. Take a slow breath all the way in, hold for a count of one. Release the breathe all the way out, then hold for a count of one. As you advance through this practice you may find you can increase the count.
The benefits associated with the breath are infinite. Any stress-related condition (which is much of what we are facing today) can be improved by practicing even the simplest of breathing techniques.
Can’t find the time? Start with sneaking it into the day - when you wake up or go to sleep, when you’re driving or in the shower, when you’re watching tv or reading a boo; and if you prefer structure put a reminder on your phone, or on a post-it note on the bathroom mirror or computer.
What are you waiting for?
Let’s breathe…
13 Practices to Transform Your Life and Achieve Your Goals Despite Uncertainty
There's a silver linking in every crisis, turn change into opportunity, do what makes you happy....⠀
"yeah, yeah... sure"⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s easy to say BUT not so easy to do - especially when we’re in the middle of a shit-storm and our brain thrives on control, But..
What if ‘certainty’ was nothing more than an illusion that prevented us from achieving our goals and being a courageous leader - no matter what's happening around us?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🎯 Truth bomb: Life has been and always will be uncertain..
We all face changes every day – whether it is a simple change in the weather, our schedule or expected change of seasons. Change affects us all and we each deal with change differently. This only constant in life, the only thing we can be sure will happen. - Heraclitus
Change is constant and uncertainty inevitable.
So what can we do to transform our experience of life and rewrite the future from judgement, resentment, anger, sadness and frustration to connected, fulfilled, at peace and thriving in life no matter what’s going on?
Let me be very clear - I am not saying this is easy;
I for one - with three young children only three years apart and juggling the demands of running a business from home, while still very much burdened with at-home caring responsibilities - know how hard it is…
It’s not easy; but it is very possible.
START SMALL…
I was journalling this morning, a habit I started to remind myself of what's important, and in doing so I was reminded of the number of practices I’ve applied over the years to transform my life - many of which I have taken for granted, not realising how many of them are still holding people back from achieving their goals and showing up each day being the best version of themselves.
Habits that are now part of my daily routine to avoid reacting and acting from the limbic (dumb) brain, to one of creating and acting from the prefrontal cortex (our smart brain)..
Two of the most valuable lessons I learnt:
Don’t make this any harder on yourself than necessary. Removing anything out of our life, without some kind of reward is hard. Our brains are wired for "rewards" so its much easier if you can replace ‘unhealthy' habits with 'healthy habits'.. and
Success breeds success so start with replacing just one habit at at time - you gotta trust me on this one, I’ve seen far too many of my clients all ambitious and motivated, attempting to master 2, 3 or 4 at a time, and its predictable they burn out, so just start with one.
Swap ‘Unhealthy’ with ‘Healthy’..⠀⠀
What’s the one action you know to take that you have not been taking - giving up alcohol, exercise or going to bed early perhaps? What can you start doing that know would turn things around for you - like getting out for a break each day? What’s the one unhealthy habit you swap - how about saying no when you mean no (this one has been miraculous for my clients)?
Here’s a list of 13 practices - unhealthy habits you can stop and healthy habits you can start.
Identify the action, then take the action - no matter how you feel, what you think or believed, you must take the action. When we take action, we realise we are much strong than we have been giving ourselves credit for..
Let’s do this…
🛑 STOP saying yes when you mean no 💫 START saying no when you mean no
🛑 STOP filling your schedule with “quantity” 💫 START filling your our schedule with “quality”
🛑 STOP biting off more than you can chew. 💫 START cleaning out your life of unnecessary luxuries
🛑 STOP bitching about other people’s mistakes 💫 START cleaning up your own mistakes
🛑 STOP gossiping about others mishaps 💫 START. speaking with respect and common humanity
🛑 STOP blaming other people for life’s not working for you 💫 START taking responsibility - this is your life
🛑 STOP taking short cuts and cheating yourself and others 💫 START doing what you say you’re going to do
🛑 STOP justifying "unhealthy habits" with 'life's too short' 💫 START with one small healthy habit every day
🛑 STOP using social media to disengage 💫 START engaging with the people who love you
🛑 STOP spending money on unnecessary “things” 💫 START being resourceful, creative and self-sufficient
🛑 STOP over-identifying with external circumstances 💫 START focussing on the strength you have within
🛑 STOP using alcohol to deal with your problems 💫 START drinking more water or seek professional help
🛑 STOP eating processed sugar 💫START eating more nutrient dense foods - greens are a good start.
WHAT’s YOUR PROMISE?
🎯 What's one thing you can stop doing and one thing you can start doingTODAY?
"A thousand mile journey begins with one step" - Lao Tzu
Comment below 👇🏽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Subscribe to my podcast The Uncharted Leader on Apple or Spotify or sign up for my newsletter to stay connected, inspired and thrive through uncertainty.
Transform your life and advance as a leader💡 Connect with me for coaching 🎯⠀⠀⠀
Kylee
4 Practices to Build a Resilient Mindset and Make WFH Work.
Photo by Slim Emcee (UG) the poet Truth_From_Africa_Photography on Unsplash
It’s possible we're facing one of the biggest crisis in our life-time.
Like many, we’re under immense financial stress - three kids now being home schooled, I've lost all revenue with clients having to lay off thousands and refocus their efforts and my husband’s been unable to pay himself as he fights to keep his business afloat with the staff he has remaining.
BUT…
Despite the devastating impact this is having on our lives financially, there is a silver lining and that’s the opportunity we have to strip our lives back to the bare essentials and focus on what is truly matters - our relationships with each other, and our health and wellbeing.
I've been working from home for the past 5 years, but the added complexities of home schooling three kids is out of this world. What was once a quiet and pleasant experience, has suddenly turned into a hurricane.
It's not easy…
.. having kids at home while juggling work is tough
.. having never done this (work from home thing) before is tough
.. being an extrovert (if you are one) and missing out on social interactions is tough
.. having lost your job or your income is tough
.. having just started a job and worrying about whether you'll still have a job next week is tough
As we embark on this unprecedented level of complexity, I thought it would help to unpack my DO's and DON'T's - things I've learnt - mostly from the mistakes I've made - to make this working from home thing work - and by "making it work" I mean maintaining our mental and physical health and wellbeing, achieving a sense of satisfaction, fulfilment confidence, joy, dignity and connection in our relationships.
4 THINGS YOU CAN START DOING..
PRACTICE #1 Compassion - Be Kind to Yourself - It' Free.
Compassion must start with self. It's impossible to have compassion for others when we're not practicing it ourselves. What good is it if we have compassion for the man who serves us coffee, only to spend the entire day making ourselves wrong for.......everything.
The simple way forward. Firstly, lets remove any expectations you have about how you think life should look, how you think you should be, and what you think you should be doing or not doing... all these "shoulds" manifest as stress..
Remember, most worries are only in the mind, fix your thoughts and the rest will fall into place.
There are two practices I have to forward this game of compassion...
(1) Forgive yourself for everything - forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do today, forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do yesterday, forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do last week, last month, last year or any previous time in your life;
and/ OR.
(2) Focus on what's working instead of what's not - you'll be amazed at how much kinder you can be to yourself when you stop looking at what's not working, and all the mistakes you think you've made, and instead you focus on acknowledging yourself for even just the little things... like the fact you got out of bed, got dressed, home schooled three kids and showed up to work..
PRACTICE #2 Composure - Stop and Breathe (slowly and deeply)
There is no rush to achieve everything at once. While the world as we know it has shut down, and blessed us with the opportunity of taking a much needed break, it's very easy to fall into the habit of working about the clock without coming up for air.
If you're tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, burnout, stressed, sad or worse yet, depressed, it's time to stop. Give yourself a break. Take time out - even if it's 1min to have a glass of water, focus on your breathing and get present to the fact you're alive, that you have a roof over your head, that you have a job, that you have family.. all of that is a blessing worth breathing in.
The point here is to deregulate our limbic (dumb) brain, and regulate our prefrontal cortex - simply said, think smarter and more creatively, and minimise taking action from fight or flight.
My favourite practice - breathing slowly, deeply and mindfully when I get out of bed in the morning, when turning on the computer, making a cup of tea, and driving in the car (especially with the kids).
If you've never done it before, I recommend: The Wim Hoff Breathing Tutorial
PRACTICE #3 Health - Taking Care of Yourself is Not Selfish.
Give yourself some time to make mistakes and discover what works and what doesn't work for you - you must wok that out.l You are no good to anyone, if you fail think about what you need to make this work - especially if you have kids.
There are no hard and fast rules. So what if other people are saying the best way to do this is to be up at 6am, work through until 3pm, then have a break. That may not work for you or your family!
You must find a way to make what you're doing - to work from home - work for you and the people you live with - do what is right, for you.
Before you assist others, always put your oxygen mask on first.
Here's what I do..
I start with making a list of what I need to make it work, eg going for a walk as the very first thing you do for the day, shutting off devices after a certain time, calling a friend or family member at the start of your day to get clear about what's truly important, make a regular time during the day por week to talk with your boss or employees, making sure you feed yourself before you feed everyone else (unless of course you have a baby.
I then make a list of what doesn't work, eg picking up after everyone else because you think its your job, not asking for help and thinking you can handle it all on our own, working before 9am when the kids want our attention.
The last part is simple - do what I know to do and be consistent.
It may take a few days, or even a few weeks before you can settle into a routine - if needed, go back to practices 1 - Compassion and 2 - Stop and Breathe.
PRACTICE #4 Collaborating - Listening is a Gift to Help us Connect
We human beings are weird for connection, so we must find a way to keep ourselves in communication and connected with our family, friends and colleagues.
BUT, remember this, this is not an opportunity to focus on your own our self-interest. This is an opportunity to be self-less, to find out how other people are doing, to take your attention of your own problems just for a moment, to get some perspective on what its like for other people and to offer yourself for support.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. .
As an aboriginal woman, I am deeply moved by what I believe is one of our most valuable and important skills, our most unique gift, perhaps the greatest gift we can give to our fellow Australians - we call it Dadirri - inner, deep listening and quiet, still awareness.
This is the gift that Australia is longing for.
My recommendation. Check out the composure activities in the Driven Resilience App - I use this personally and professionally. It's scientifically proven to improve our ability to connect, be calm and in control during difficult times - making it easier for us to be present with others, and to listen without judgement.
Download the Drive Resilience AI-Powered Coach (App) - use the code TPC-COVD to get 50% off (only $6 pm for 2 months, and 10% off every month thereafter - valid until May 25).
WHAT NOT TO DO - THE DONT's
Do not take the piss (just because you're working from home, being paid for 7hours a day, does not give you permission to sit on Netflix all day)
Follow other people's rules about how they do this working from home thing, just because you think you "should" - we have no idea what other people are dealing with and what works for them, may not necessarily work for you.
Agree to other peoples requests and secretly hide your resentment, like agreeing to a meeting and then not turning up, or turning up and not pay attention to what's being said. Its rude and worse yet, you're the one who ends up angry, disempowered and disengaged.
Agree to anything you have no intention of doing. Said another way, don't lie - like saying you're working when you're not - make sure you read "Without Integrity Nothing Works")
"An individual is whole and complete when their word is whole and complete, and their word is whole and complete when they honour their word"
Force your rules on the ways you like to work on others, ie manipulation, guilt. Its the quickest way to lose friends and influence (the opposite of Steven Covey's 7 habits of how to win friends and influence people)
These are just a few of my practices, my simple DO's and DON'Ts.
We are all in this together.
You are not alone.
If you want any support - book a FREE - no obligation call here.
In the meantime, Be Well,
Kylee
Uncharted Leadership with Kylee Stone. A Personal Story of Resilience and Courage in Creating a New Paradigm of Leadership.
Hi, I’m Kylee Stone.
I’m a descendent of the stolen generations of the Kulluli and Wakka Wakka nations with an intrinsic talent in the power of storytelling to create meaningful connections.
I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and I pay my respects to our elders past, present and emerging.
It is not my intention to cause any concern. If while reading my story you experience any concern for your own or others wellbeing, please reach out to your family or any professional support services.
It is my hope that we embrace the power of storytelling, one of the most powerful and valuable contributions of our wisest and most mature culture, to fulfil on what we deeply care about - meaningful connections.
“When we have the courage to walk into our story and own it, we get to write the ending. And when we don’t own our stories of failure, setbacks, and hurt—they own us” - Brene Brown
My purpose is to create a world where people are acknowledged.
My mission is to disrupt the status quo on the traditional views of leadership - that we need a title or a seat at the table to be a leader - and we empower people to realise their potential as leaders by taking action in direct accordance with their Vision, Values, Purpose and Passion while taking care of their own and others wellbeing.
My story…
The Kullilli People are descended from 32 ancestors associated with Kullilli country. My great grandmother, Moola Conbar, was from Thargomindah, 1,000 km west of Brisbane, in South East Queensland.
As a result of the governments forced removal of our people, Moola was moved to the Geddes Family Station in Gladstone. Not long after her arrival she fell pregnant. Despite knowing whether it was consensual, the stations owner denied paternity so she was moved to an aboriginal settlement in Cherbourg.
Moola gave birth to my grandmother, Margaret Jewell Fisher (Maggie), in a local hospital in Murgon and despite her marriage to James (Fisher), my grandmother was taken and placed into a residence for all the half-caste children.
By the time she was 3, she was forcibly removed from the settlement and taken from her family 350km south to the Salvation Army on the Gold Coast where the government believed she would be “better off”.
My grandmother spent 13 years living with a family and working without wages until she found her way to Sydney, married and had four children.
After issues of domestic abuse, my mother (at 5yrs of age with 2yo twin sisters) was moved to the Salvation Army in Canowindra (320 km west of Sydney) where she remained until 15.
One year later, she fell pregnant with me. She was single and 16.
My father, a 17 yo guy who was clearly not ready for parenthood was nowhere to be seen.
As was often the case in those days, pregnancy in youth was forbidden and hidden so my mother was told " if you keep the child you’re not coming home”.
I spent the first four weeks after birth in a room waiting for adoption, while my mother was left alone to deal with one of the most difficult decisions of her life.
One the day I was due to be taken, my mother refused. Despite knowing we’d be homeless she succeeded. The next few years were spent moving from couch, to couch until eventually we we moved into housing commission in Redfern. I had one piece of clothing my mother had made and my bed was the bottom draw in some donated furniture.
Fast forward 3 years, my mother found love and got married. As young as I was I didn’t realise he wasn’t my father until being on holidays I overheard my aunty “You’re not her real father ”. It was a heartbreaking moment of betrayal.
They separated when I was 10. Two years later I was sexually abused by a couple of 21 yo guys. Having found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time, I burdened myself with blame.
Afraid I’d get in trouble if I said anything, I woke up the next morning and, like the judge sentencing a court ruling, I sentenced myself “You need to pretend nothing happened and move on”.
A year later (after clearly traumatising my mother with what became an early dose of drug and alcohol use) we moved. I went to 6 different schools in the first 7 years, 11 schools by the time I completed my HSC.
Believe it, or not, I earned myself the nickname “Smiley Kylee”. I buried my pain and focussed on pleasing others to keep myself safe.
I did not have access to the education or privileges afforded to children raised in a family where conversation around the dinner table sparked a brains trust of knowledge waiting to be launched into the world, but I was none the wiser.
I consider myself blessed with great DNA. I definitely got my brilliance, mathematical talents, strength, resilience and courage from my mother.
I excelled in college with first place honours in business, marketing and sales, landing me with a job working for The Gold Coast Bulletin which, at the time, was the fastest growing media product, and region, in the country.
My timing was impeccable. I had the opportunity to work on the inaugural Indy Grand Prix and twelve months later, thanks to the support of my colleagues, had the privilege of being in The Miss Australia (Gold Coast) Pageant - it was an experience I’ll never forget. And incase you’re wondering, I came second.
I spent 20 years climbing the corporate ladder. I got my first leadership (well, technically “managers”) job at 27 with an extraordinary career working on some of Australia’s most successful media brands, launching Marie Claire, Men’s Health, Body & Soul and Fitness First Media (to name a few).
In 2005 I landed my dream job as the Marketing and Strategy Director at News Corp, leading the NSW Community newspapers.
In 2010 it started to fall apart….
I had a miraculous experience during my return to work with my first two children (born in 2007 and 2009) with two major pay raises and a promotion. It wasn’t until the third child it all went to pieces.
Despite wanting to return to a job I loved, I walked into the office to negotiate the terms while thinking:
“I can’t do this. I can’t take care of three kids and work full-time”
I wanted part-time, but my boss wanted me full-time. I couldn’t see how to make it work without it having a massive impact on the family so I suggested we split the role and my boss agreed.
I lost all the parts of the job I loved - no team, no influence, sitting in the corner office with a view over the boardroom I felt like Baby Haussman in Dirty Dancing (and no-one puts baby in the corner!).
In true Kylee spirit (resilient and determined), I thought:
“What are you doing, Kylee. This is your life! Are you going to sit around and wait for the role of the dice or are you going to do something about it?”
I got a coach. I started reading a pile of books from ‘Google's Search Inside Yourself’ to Robin Sharmers ‘The Leader without a Title’ and ‘The Great Work Of Your Life’. I enrolled in post-grad studies, signed up to the Change Management Institute and got myself a mentor.
I was standing at the cafe, waiting for my morning relief of coffee when a woman at work asked “how are you”.
In true Kylee style (keeping it real), I said…
“honestly, I’m awful. I hate my job, I’m working my ass off, studying part-time, taking care of three kids and pissed off because working part-time somehow equates to not having the same level of intelligence to being a leader and I’ve lost all the parts of the job I love”
I started hosting a mentoring circle for women who we’re going through the same frustrations, challenged with a lack of flexibility in senior leadership positions and desperately wanting to advance as leaders.
That was the beginning of my journey to solve what was undeniably a universal challenge: “How do we fulfil on our life-long ambition to advance as leaders (without having a title) while taking care of our own and others wellbeing”.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse. It’s Tuesday March 5, 2014. A day like any other, up at the crack of dawn with three young children. It’s my eldest son’s 7th birthday, my daughter is 6 and my youngest, soon to be 4.
I open an email from our CEO with devastating news that a colleague, and friend, of 15 years had taking his life. He was in his 40s and had two kids. It rocked me to my core.
I arrived home to celebrate my sons birthday and I found myself sitting opposite my husband crying, “the business has gone into administration and we’re going to lose the home”.
We were two weeks-off launching our first event for Team Women Australia. Sharing openly with the team and colleagues, I took two weeks to take care of my family. A month later, I’m sitting with my husband crying, as he braces himself with the courage to tell me he betrayed my trust.
His story is not mine to tell, so I’ll let you read between the lines. Suffice to say, in my world, there could not have been anything worse. It triggered a series of untreated trauma buried in my body from my childhood abuse and so i discovered “the body keeps score”.
We went ahead with the event and despite all the turmoil at home a year later I left News Corp and started The Performance Code, a coaching consultancy specialising in leadership transformation, resilience and wellbeing.
Taking care of my own wellbeing was a priority. On July 23, 2015 I was diagnosed with an auto-immune condition - Hashimotos - an underachieve thyroid - basically the body attacking itself with a big warning to me: its time for you to take care of yourself (and stop worrying about taking care of everyone else).
Did I learn? Not quite.
Despite adversity I showed up.
In 2018 I was acknowledged by NAIDOC “Because Of Her We Can” as one of 13 Indigenous Leaders inbusiness for my contribution to advancing women in leadership where I achieved one of my own dreams, claiming “the moniker of Australia’s Oprah”, I was described as “an irrepressibly curious and effervescent force of nature” and “one of the most authentic leaders of our time”.
“It’s Kylee’s sharp intellect, endless energy, unbridled compassion and no-nonsense approach that earns her the trust and respect of others” - Femeconomy
In early 2020 I became a global ambassador for Driven Resilience and by the end of the year I’d been named LinkedIn Top 20 Voices.
In many ways, the pandemic did me a favour. It was an opportunity to stop doing what I knew wasn’t working - to stop building a business that serves others without taking care of my own financial well-being.
While it appeared natural, and organic, to focus on leadership development, it didn't align with my belief that real transformation in leadership does not, and will not, occur inside the current model of leadership - where the command and control hierarchy prevents people from having the freedom to be courageous and unleash their potential.
After 28 years in the business of storytelling and telling other peoples stories, it was time for me to operate with integrity to share my story and passion for the power of storytelling to create meaningful connections.
With a passion for working with forward-thinking leaders and building brands that align on purpose, I decided to partner Design House Collective, a global brand building company that brings together the worlds leading talent in design thinking, business engineering and organisational transformation.
It is a gift to work with a group of people who collaborate on values, strengths and talents to build brands that align people on purpose and accelerate growth to fulfil their vision and mission.
My greatest wish that we take the wisdom of our indigenous culture, the most matured culture on the planet, and help the western world discover and the power of storytelling to learn, connect and grow.
My story has shaped who I am, it gave my my values, strengths and purpose.
As for the story of the future, that’s one I get to write - a clear vision and mission to create a new paradigm of leadership that empowers people to realise their potential as leaders by taking action in direct accordance with their vision, values, mission and purpose.
It’s not an easy journey but, with the right support and guidance, it is a miraculous one!
If being someone who transforms the way the world works, embraces the power of storytelling and bringing your purpose to life is inspiring to you, then I invite you to join me!
Career Highlights
2021 - Linked In Reconciliation Week Acknowledgement
2020 - LinkedIn Top 20 Voices
2019 - Global Ambassador for Driven Resilience, the world's number one resilience app for mental resilience and wellbeing with a scalable technology platform for organisations to achieve a measurable improvements in individual and organisational performance and welling
2018 - Launched Unleashed Wellbeing organically growing to 18k followers
2018 - Ambassador for National Flexible Working Day; and Featured as one of 13 Indigenous female leaders in the QLD Government “Because of Her We Can” campaign, workshops and speaking engagements supporting International Women’s Day, breaking down social barriers, advancing women in leadership and partnering with consultants and entrepreneurs to impact performance, resilience & wellbeing
2014 - Launched Team Women Australia, a not-for-profit organisation specialising in the power of storytelling to bring women together from different backgrounds, cultures, experiences and interests to advance as leaders in their career, community, business and life.
2013 - National Distribution and Logistics Operations consolidation project. Transformation of an end-to-end supply chain with the objective of aligned functionality with core competencies, reduced operating costs, and improvements in productivity, accountability and employee satisfaction ($41m project)
2010 - Shared Leadership, Company & Product Rebrand. 29 Brand Champions leading an overhaul on established community brands and creating alignment on local heroes and in the peak of digital disruption and a decline in print media achieved +23% growth in readership and 1.8% ($3.9m) growth in revenue in 9 months.
2009 - News Ltd Company Merger & Market Optimisation. Delivering $8m in additional revenue.
2004 - Launched Fitness First’s first-ever custom publishing magazine – a JV with the Federal Publishing Company, our launch edition carried 132 pages, delivered 75k+ distribution and over $100k in advertising revenue.
2001- Launched Body + Soul – News Limited’s first-ever nationally aligned magazine-style newspaper insert across all Sunday newspapers targeting women and increasing revenue +$650k in its first edition.
What’s one thing people would never know about me? I was Runner-Up Miss Gold Coast in 1991.